Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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