Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
