It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
