i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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