He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
