Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
