Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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