Heybabeimwearingurpanties
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
