3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
