There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
