reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
