Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
