My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
