i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
