I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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