Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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