did you get engaged???
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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