I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
