you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
