even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
