well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
