mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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