I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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