I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
