So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
