On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
