mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
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