i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
