Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
