names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
