I think I died a long time ago.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
