I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
