I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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