who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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