also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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