I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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