Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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