So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
