When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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