Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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