BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
