Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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