Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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