I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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