I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
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Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
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I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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