And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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