I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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