What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
