im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
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