my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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