smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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