Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
