went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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