btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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