The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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