I think my vagina is haunted
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
