he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
