He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
