With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
