You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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